Shaken
by Ani-maniac494
Summary: When the Hulk cornered Natasha on the Helicarrier, he brought up some unpleasant memories. One-shot, hints of Clint/Natasha. Dark.


Spoilers: General spoilers for the movie.

Disclaimer: The Avengers still aren't mine, but they seem to have taken over a large portion of my brain for the moment, not that I'm really complaining. Does that count?

A/N: I was struck by the fact that Natasha faces down gunfire, explosions, Loki, a practically-possessed-Clint, and an alien invasion force without blinking, but the Hulk frightened her so terribly that she was literally shaking. I couldn't help thinking that there must have been a reason for that, beyond the Hulk's "breathtaking anger management issues." Also, I have some idea of comic book canon and Natasha's past with the Red Room, but aside from the fact that the Red Room is a very dark place, this is entirely from my own mind for the movie-verse, and not the comics.

**Warning**: My fics are generally mild, and this one isn't too much of an exception, but it does touch on an instance of intended/attempted rape. I kept it purposefully vague, so that it's not the focus of the story, and more implied than overtly stated, but if you're particularly sensitive to this topic, please have care before you read. Thank you.

As always, I thank my Lord Jesus Christ for his incredible mercy and grace.

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**Shaken**

His name had been Nikolai.

He'd been a huge, hulking guard at the Red Room, over seven-feet tall, a mass of muscle with arms the size of her waist, and a thick scar that ran over his nose from one side of his face to the other.

His gap-tooth smile had stretched that scar, pulling at his lips, twisting them.

Natasha had always hated that smile, the one he never failed to give when he saw her, his eyes glinting with something she couldn't name.

She ignored him, careful to show him the same indifference she showed the other guards, but somehow, _they_ had known nonetheless. They had always known.

As she'd gotten older, and the physical training had intensified, they'd begun teaching her how to beat an opponent that was larger than she was. It was a valuable part of her training, because she had always been small for her age, and in some part of her mind that the Red Room had never quite touched, she remembered that her mother had been a small woman too. So, she'd trained hard, and fought to be the best, like she always had - the Red Room would accept nothing less, and neither would she.

It hadn't taken long before she'd started easily beating everyone they pitted her against.

But, on her fourteenth birthday, they'd escorted her from the barracks, stripped her of every weapon except her bare hands, and taken her to a steel-walled room where Nikolai stood, watching her with that same, twisted smile.

Then, they'd shut the door, and locked her inside with him.

She had fought, harder than she'd ever fought before, the kicks and punches that had leveled other men seemingly useless against that giant.

In that room, Natasha had learned what it felt like to be helpless.

But, in the end, she'd won before he could hurt her; his massive corpse had landed on the floor with a clang, and Natasha had left that room alive, new bruises on her body and on her soul.

It had taken hours for the shaking to stop.

She had never felt fear like that again, until the attack on the Helicarrier.

Bruce Banner wasn't Nikolai, and neither was the Hulk, but the Hulk was huge with arms the size of her waist, and not even the Helicarrier's steel walls and bulkheads were a match for him.

Suddenly, Natasha wasn't a grown woman, a master assassin feared by friend and foe alike…she wasn't one of SHIELD's best agents, but instead she was the scared, desperate fourteen-year-old girl she'd been all those years ago.

In the end, Thor had saved her, and the Hulk had been drawn away, but she couldn't seem to keep her limbs from trembling, so she'd curled up in a corner, and let the fear wash over her, her pulse racing, her lungs never seeming to draw enough air.

And then she'd heard it:

"_It's Barton. He took out our systems. He's headed for the detention level. Does anybody copy?"_

Fury saying Clint's name over the radio had been the only thing that had given her the strength to move again, because Clint was onboard, so close - this might be the one chance she had to get him back, and nothing would stop her from trying.

She pressed the comm, fighting to keep the terror from reaching her voice. "This is Agent Romanoff. I copy."

Later, when the battle was over, and Clint was by her side again with new shadows in his eyes, he'd asked her about Banner's apology, the one she'd accepted so glibly on the street, and she'd told him about the Hulk. She could hide the fear she'd felt from anyone else, maybe, but not from Clint, if only because he already knew about Nikolai; he was the only other person who did, the only person she'd ever told.

She didn't ask him if Loki knew, because Clint had enough guilt to deal with already, and those shadows in his eyes had only gotten deeper when he'd realized how close that explosion had come to killing her…how close the Hulk had come.

She told him that it wasn't his fault, that she was fine, and she wasn't sure he believed her, but she could say that now - that she was fine - because old ghosts could be put to rest as long as he was alive, and with her, and whole.

They weren't whole yet, but maybe, she thought as Clint's calloused fingers curled around her own, they were getting there.

**Fin**

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A/N: Thank you for reading, and please let me know what you think!

Take care and God bless!

Ani-maniac494 :)


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